


Things You Could've Said

by dotpng



Category: Halt and Catch Fire
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 16:37:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9280244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dotpng/pseuds/dotpng
Summary: “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” Even as he says it they both know it’s a lie.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." with Ryan/Joe.

Ryan stands there in his apartment, backpack on the ground, looking lost. He’d come looking for salvation and had only found Joe. The real Joe, this time, stripped of all the layers of awe and mystery and wishful thinking.

“I don't know where to go from here.” he mutters, staring at the floor. Joe isn’t even sure he’s talking to him or to himself.

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” Even as he says it they both know it’s a lie.

 

* * *

 

_ “I’m right here,” Ryan had said on that day in July, as Joe stood still and silent, clutching a mug of coffee that had long since gone cold. He’d looked up at him, shy and earnest. “I’m not going anywhere.” _

_ Joe had just turned and fixed himself another cup. _

_ Later, he would remember the hesitation, the long minutes it had taken Ryan to work up the courage to reach out. The look on his face when he’d shut him out. _

 

* * *

 

He offers him a drink, and Ryan takes it. “I thought you could save me,” he says, pensive, “but you're- you're just a guy.” Joe doesn't think he meant it to come out sounding like an accusation, but it does.

“You broke the law, I couldn't-”

“No, not that, just- everything. From the start. When I saw you at that conference. Promising safety.” Joe is quiet while Ryan downs the rest of his drink. “Whenever Gordon or Cam warned me about you, I just thought they were jealous, you know?” He laughs, bitterly. “I should’ve listened. You're a fucking snake.”

 

* * *

 

_ When he’d first hired Ryan, Cam had called and yelled at him. “Joe, you asshole, you can't just hire my best coder to mess with me.” _

_ He gazed out at city below as he spoke. “Ryan can work wherever he wants and make his own choices. He’s an adult.” _

_ “No, God, you don't get it. Using people like this, manipulating them, like you did to me, it's sick. It’s cruel.” _

_ “You seem to be doing okay,” he’d said, coldly. _

_ “He’s not like you or me! He’s naïve, he’s- he believes in you.” She’d paused. He could hear her exhale into the receiver. “You’ll hurt him, Joe.” _

_ He’d hung up the phone with a bit more force than necessary. _

 

* * *

 

“I thought I was in love with you, did you know that?” Ryan buries his face in his hands and groans. “Oh my god, I’m such a moron.”

Joe hesitates. “I didn’t know-”

“Fuck you, yes you did, you asshole. You just needed someone younger and better than you to follow you around propping up your massive ego, ‘cause you're too fucked up to socialize like a real person. And Cameron’s not here to do that anymore, right? Fuck,”  he repeats, under his breath.

It stings but it’s true.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Once, Ryan had fallen asleep on the couch, passed out on  _ _top of three days’ worth of crumpled notes and documents. He looked younger, Joe had thought, face smooth and peaceful. Quietly, so as not to wake him, he’d gotten a blanket out of the closet and draped it over him, brushed a strand of hair back into place._

_In his sleep he’d mumbled and shifted, and Joe had wondered what he was dreaming of._

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m sorry,” he says, “for everything.” It's the most honest thing he’s said in months, but he knows it’s too late.

Ryan smiles. He just looks tired. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

**Author's Note:**

> taking reqs/prompts at honestfutures.tumblr.com


End file.
